Cardi, Kamala, Megan & Me (Black Women are not Monolithic)

August 14, 2020| #whole, blackwomenlead, blogger, leadership

So, a little over a week ago I sat down to write about my experience so far as a southern girl living in the northeast, but for some reason I couldn't wrap my mind around exactly what I needed to convey in that moment. I couldn't identify what within me was so agitated by the men fawning over my "accent," redirecting peers who think it's okay to cut me off mid-sentence, or asserting myself to those who have in their small minds equated southern roots with intellectual disparity. Then, "W.A.P." and my future VP, Senator Soror Kamala Harris, linked it all together for me: STOP THINKING YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO DICTATE BLACK WOMANHOOD. Yes, I'm yelling because it's exhausting. Growing up, many young black women across the diaspora are taught to dislike so many of their beautiful attributes, including intellect. Too smart and no man wants you because you "think you know everything". Too confident and capable, "you think you are man." Now, don't get me wrong, I am one who believes in scripture, and I also think there is a place for us to discuss how we somehow think it's our right to give black women permission to be their whole selves. I write only from my personal experience and that of close friends. I have often times tried to shrink, hide, and blend in while simultaneously acquire all the knowledge I could to be the model of black excellence that was subtly messaged to me. The ability to take risks, explore the width and depth of my personality, fail at passions, wasn't an option. That feeling of entrapment, a specimen under continuous microscopic view by a scientist that somehow had already drawn their own elementary conclusions from a biased hypothesis. My version fo black womanhood is just a valid and valuable as Cardi's, Kamala's and Megan's. It doesn't have to make sense within the narrow confines of another's locus of control. If I want to brag about "W.A.P." on Friday night and then balance a 50 million dollar budget on Monday, I'm still a chief officer. I'm a boss, black female leader that embraces her full self, flaws and all. I imagine Cardi, Kamala and Megan want the same, to boldly and proudly walk in the truth that they believe at their core is theirs, and to do so without their own communities beating them into conformity. Are they perfect, naw - and neither are your ancestors with the unhealed decades of generational trauma that is pushed off as "family has to stick together." Is their privilege at play? Absolutely. I readily point to examples of privilege in my life and I wonder if these women can do the same. If not, that's their work to do, not our work to force into their psyche - has that worked for any of your "wayward" family members? Black women - we can't twerk and rap because it's too offensive Black women - we can't run for VP because our black card might be revoked by some illusive book of black belonging and perfectionism that nobody has been able to provide me a copy of. Black women - DO YOU! DO YOUR WORK! We deserve to risk - adjusting to the success or failure We deserves to show up in this world just as we please - prepared to deal with whatever responses that gives us back. So, from a boss with a dope ratchet playlist next to a beautiful praise and worship compilation, WALK IT LIKE YOU TALK IT SIS! You deserve your journey to you!